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I feel like a crumpled piece of paper. You’re so stupid. So fucking stupid. You’ve fucked it up every step of the way. Same way you fuck everything up. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. (actual excerpt from my journal 7.10.16)

Mentally pummeling yourself actually takes a physical toll. It feels constricting, suffocating, thick. You can feel the pain of it: tightness in the chest, shortness of breath. It looks like tunnel vision. Black. Red. We beat ourselves up because we think it’ll make us a better person. Somehow, by tearing ourselves down, we’re hoping to show up different. The way that voice escalates is insane and – are you listening? – there’s a better way.


1. Praise Yourself

You can change that inner dialogue. You can shift the voice by telling a story that’s more in line with your inner being. Praising yourself is about lifting yourself up. Make lists of things you admire about yourself, things you’re proud of. Pay attention to compliments you receive. Really hear them and let them sink in.

Bonus Tip: Keep a computer document or phone note with all the compliments you receive. Read it often!


2. Make Offering

In Bali there are dishes made of reeds everywhere. They’re filled with candy, incense, flower petals and bits of rice. The Bali people put them at the doorways of their homes, on steps, statues, even coffee pots! These are presented as an act of devotion and are woven into the fabric of everyday life.

Bringing the sacred into everyday experience deeply cultivates the feeling of well being by connecting you to a current greater than yourself.

A simple offering to do for yourself at home is to Light A Candle in your name. I love the color and texture of these ones from Voluspa. Flame is a symbol of our own inner spark, the burning that calls us forward.

Honor yourself in this way by acknowledging that the person you are in this moment has value.


3. Tend Your Garden

Tend to yourself the same way you would a garden. Letting things move along in their own time and appreciating the growth stages. This is the way of the Divine Feminine. Plants go through stages: seed, germination and sprouting, developing roots, leaves unfolding, bearing fruit and decay.

Observe which stage each area of your life is in. Is a relationship decaying or just sprouting? Are you developing roots in your career? What things are ripe and ready for picking? What things need more care before they’re ready?

This takes some of the pressure off. It helps frame your life in a state of acceptance rather than hurry or unease. You wouldn’t yell at a flower to bloom faster. Ever. When that voice starts in…remember the beauty of blooming.

June 25, 2017