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My wallet came back June 12th. Exactly a month after it went away. It’s a strange thing, to have a wallet taken from you.  Old receipts, ticket stubs, credit card, debit card and an ID. Those little pieces of paper and plastic made up a big chunk of my identity. Worthless now, mostly. I cancelled the cards immediately and it took two weeks to get a new ID. Being without that wallet let me know: I didn’t need it to be me. I definitely thought I did though.

In Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself  Joe Dispenza says if you can master suffering, you can just as easily master joy. But it’s rare we do that, right? He talks about how a bad mood, if left unchecked, becomes a temperament and a temperament becomes a personality. How we cling to the things that hurt because we believe efforting makes us a good person. 

The tagline of the book is How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One. I’m most fascinated with the idea of completely creating a New Self. One that isn’t attached to a past. Because I don’t really like the person I used to be. And more, I’m in awe of who I could be. I have a vision of myself as someone who’s learned the lessons. Not all of them. There will always be lessons to learn. But I wanna have fun with life. I want to not be afraid of cracking wide open, of my own greatness.

I look around my life and see shimmers of what could be and that makes me feel more alive.

There’s a meditation attached to the book. 70 minutes. In it you go through the process of induction, basically hypnotizing yourself. Once you’ve reached the subconscious level and let your brain settle into the relaxed state of alpha and theta, you begin pruning away the neuro connections that don’t serve you. For me that’s thought patterns of worry, being a victim and self-doubt. That frees up creative energy. With this you create a new emotional state. One that reflects the greatest ideal of your New Self. 

I never knew I could sit still like that for over an hour. Eyes closed, legs crossed, back straight, shoulders relaxed. It’s the sincerity that keeps me there. The sincere desire to do better. To BE better. Near the end Dr. Joe says to ask for a sign. To ask for it to come in a way that completely surprises you, in a way that delights you, that lets you know there’s no other way than magic. So you know you’ve opened a two-way communication between you and the Soul of the World. Well, he doesn’t say exactly that, but that’s what I think he means. I’ve been doing it every day. 

And so, when my neighbor yelled across the way: did you lose your wallet? I knew something special was about to happen.

 

May 23, 2017
June 17, 2017

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